


Delicate Cycle

by cellophanerose



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Komahina Secret Exchange 2020, M/M, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellophanerose/pseuds/cellophanerose
Summary: Some items are meant to be aired out. (Or, Hinata is concerned about how placid Komaeda is about his own death.)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 4
Kudos: 130





	Delicate Cycle

**Author's Note:**

> For the Komahina secret exchange! Prompt was "Hinata helps Komaeda to recover from PTSD" for akito666us on tumblr.  
> This is my first fanfiction, but I hope it's still enjoyable!

Hinata had already known that his past was indelible, even if he couldn’t remember it. This was something that class 77-B all had in common – their lives in despair seemed like a hazy memory of a story someone once told, not the painful truth of how responsible they all were for the effective end of the world. Ironically, most of the class more clearly remembered what had happened in the simulation, even though only the “survivors” left with their memories completely intact. Still, it wasn’t something easily brought up – asking a murder victim if they remembered how they died, or the blackened if they could still feel the phantom pains from their executions. Because that was the thing – although no physical harm was carried over, the mental scars cut deeper than any murder weapon.

Despite all their attempts to move forward and forgive each other, Koizumi still flinched when she ran into Pekoyama alone, and Sainoji surreptitiously rubbed her throat when she thought no one was looking. Hanamura froze up when his batter splashed onto him, and Tanaka clenched his fists hard enough to draw blood when loud stampeding sounded. Truly, even a fictional past was inescapable, but they all silently agreed that this would be their penance.

However, Hinata noted, Komaeda remained virtually unaffected. No panic attacks when walking by the warehouse, no nervous sweating at the sight of ropes or fire, not even the spears they used for fishing or bright red containers.

“It was something I did to myself, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda once tried to explain. “I knew exactly what to expect and prepared myself for that. Besides, I’ve been in plenty of other terrible accidents and trauma-inducing situations!” Komaeda tried laughing it off, but Hinata still felt he wasn’t getting the whole truth. But, since he had nothing to go on save for a gut feeling, Hinata decided to let it go for now. Plenty of his classmates vocally asked for his guidance, so he wasn’t going to pull teeth trying to get Komaeda to reach out for help. He wouldn’t even worry about it! At all! 

Or so Hinata had told himself. Until, one night, his mind was screaming at him that he wasn’t doing enough – that he would never be enough – that offering his entire being to the sacrificial altar of Hope’s Peak Academy for a chance to mean something _still wasn’t enough_ – kept him awake. (Between visions of a talentless reserve, a bored god, and a dead digital girl, he hardly ever slept through the night, but none of his friends needed to know this.) Tonight, however, instead of futilely chasing sleep that was never coming for him, Hinata slipped his sneakers on and stepped outside. He figured he could do some preliminary work for the day ahead, namely making rounds and noting any malfunctioning equipment or depleted supplies, but truthfully he just felt the need to _move_. 

Hinata left his cottage and headed towards the communal washing machines when he noticed the light was already on. Not an odd thing, per se – several of his peers also had trouble sleeping, but the quiet music did pique his curiosity. It was definitely a familiar song, but he didn’t connect the dots until he opened the door and found Komaeda kneeling on the ground, looking like a marionette whose strings had been cut. It was then it all came together in Hinata’s mind – the heat from the fire, the smoke causing his eyes to tear, the pounding of feet and the shattering of bottles, and finally the sprinklers turning on, leaving only the overwhelming feeling of dread and anxiety for reasons he was too afraid to confront. So many sensations had led up to that point, but when they pulled back the curtain, all Hinata could remember was ((despair)). The smell of blood, the look of terror permanently affixed to his face, the spear grotesquely impaling his stomach, every nauseating detail came giftwrapped in a single thought, a single moment, a single truth – _Komaeda was dead_.

Hinata snapped back into the present.

Komaeda was alive, and he needed Hinata’s help. Hinata instinctually dashed to the radio and slammed the power button, then immediately pivoted and fell onto the floor beside Komaeda. Komaeda’s usually crisp and clear eyes were faded and swirling with a slight darkness, and his façade was distressingly blank.

“Komaeda,” Hinata was shaking, but he still placed both of his hands on Komaeda’s shoulders in an effort to ground him. His grip tightened when he received no answer.

“Komaeda!” he raised his voice, panic bubbling inside him, “It’s okay! I’m here with you.” He couldn’t eloquently string words of comfort together, but he tried his best. “You’re safe, you aren’t alone, you’re going to be fine, just please listen to me!” Komaeda offered no reassurance that the words were reaching him and continued staring blankly through Hinata, to a place only he could see.  
Hinata’s hands were still trembling when he wrapped his arms around Komaeda. They had never been physically intimate like this, but at that moment, Hinata needed to feel Komaeda’s warmth just as much as Komaeda needed Hinata. “I’m here,” Hinata mumbled, surprising himself when the words, “I’ll always be here,” slipped out. The most shocking part, Hinata found, was that he wanted it to be true.

Hinata had lost many of his friends during the killing game, and he cared about each one of them, but he would be lying if he said Komaeda’s death didn’t leave an especially strong impact on him. Even after it was revealed that Komaeda had orchestrated his own death, Hinata felt a sadness and regret that he didn’t want to name at the time. Nanami paid the ultimate price for Komaeda’s actions when she didn’t get the choice, so it was easy to bury those earlier feelings under anger and frustration. After everything had settled, and Hinata was reunited with their digital classmate in a moment of great distress, he couldn’t ignore those buried feelings.

Hinata didn’t want Komaeda to be alone. Luck had constantly torn those who cared about Komaeda away from him, leaving him with no one who loved him. Komaeda had told Hinata once that he was afraid of dying alone, and though Hinata at the time fell for Komaeda’s lie of “it was something I read in a book!” it wasn’t because Hinata truly believed it, but rather because it was _easier_ to do so. Komaeda had given him an out in the form of a flimsy lie, and Hinata had taken it. Of course Komaeda was afraid of dying alone – after spending as much time as he had with Komaeda, it was an obvious conclusion for Hinata to reach. And yet, Komaeda manufactured a situation where he would not only die alone, but also in such a horrific manner. He chose to die alone, and that was something Hinata could never accept.

So when Komaeda finally raised his arms to return Hinata’s embrace, Hinata felt such a wave of relief and calm that it nearly brought tears to his eyes. 

~

When Komaeda came to, he admonished himself for being so weak, and started brainstorming ways to explain his reaction away. Telling Hinata he wasn’t having problems with his death, and yet here he was, putting on such an unsightly display. ...Actually, what was Hinata doing here in the first place? Embracing Komaeda, of all people? Maybe it had something to do with why Hinata was shaking, he thought. He might as well venture a guess (and buy himself some more time in the process.)

“Hinata-kun, why are you shaking so much? Are you getting sick, maybe?” The question was asked in earnest, but Hinata reacted with anger.

“Don’t make light of this! Do you really think I would be so heartless as to _not_ react?” Hinata was still trembling, but he let his arms fall from Komaeda and balled his hands into fists. Komaeda felt a flash of disappointment before curiosity returned. Maybe he was thinking of this the wrong way?

“...Are you angry with me, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda felt a little silly trying to have a conversation while kneeling on the floor, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“Is it really that hard for you to imagine that I was _worried_ about you, Komaeda? That I feel things other than anger and boredom?” Hinata stood up, and Komaeda quickly followed. Hinata looked directly into Komaeda’s eyes, but whatever he was searching for, he must not have been able to find. “...Sorry,” Hinata continued, “this isn’t… I just was scared, all right? Hearing that music, and seeing you like that, I… Actually, it doesn’t matter.” Komaeda was ready to refute that ‘No, it actually matters a great deal,’ but Hinata still continued.

“Are you ok, Komaeda? Does that happen often?” Hinata looked painfully earnest, so Komaeda held back his self-deprecating comments for now.

“Thank you for worrying about me, Hinata-kun, but I’m all right. That song simply caught me off-guard. Up until today, I had completely forgotten it was part of my plan. Only somebody totally useless like me would let such an insignificant thing shut them down!” Komaeda hoped Hinata would let his ‘useless’ slide for now. Hinata sighed and placed his hand on Komaeda’s shoulder.

“It’s ok to not be all right, you know? I know you don’t think you’re worth it, but we’re all here to support each other. You went through something terrible. And don’t say it doesn’t count ‘cause you did it to yourself! You wouldn’t be collapsed in front of a washing machine at 3 AM if you weren’t hurting. Maybe you don’t even realize it, but even if that pain isn’t on the surface, I want to remove it from you.” Hinata held Komaeda’s robotic hand with both of his own. “I won’t let you get lost in despair again.”

Komaeda was deeply shaken by those words, and even if he wanted so badly to believe them, he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. He ached to open up, to lay everything out to Hinata that he couldn’t even tell himself, but he knew he wasn’t brave enough to do so. Instead, he fell back into his failsafe: being contentious.

“Haha...Tell me, Hinata-kun, what makes you think you have the power to do such a thing? What could a failure of a reserve course guinea pig do to help someone like me?” He was on a dangerous line, he knew - already he had slipped up and admitted that he needed help. But the faster he hurt Hinata and pushed him far enough away, the better. “I never asked for your pity.”  
The words stung both of them, Komaeda realized. He was so used to pushing away people he cared about, but hurting Hinata felt especially vile. However, Hinata surprised him by doing the exact opposite of what he’d planned - instead of getting angry and storming off, he _agreed_.

“I guess I am pretty useless,” Hinata started. “I’ve always known I was a failure, and you’ve never hidden your contempt for that part of me. But I won’t let that stop me. Because I know you, and I know you want this,” Hinata laced his fingers with Komaeda’s, “And so do I. You can’t push me away this time, Komaeda.”

Komaeda’s heart was pounding so loudly that he was afraid the roof would collapse from the sound. He looked up into Hinata’s eyes and saw all stubborn determination and kindness and _hope_. Komaeda’s lips trembled.

How long had he wanted this? Someone to talk to him, someone to comfort him? Someone to take his hand and make silly, irresponsible promises?

“...I guess if you’re going to be that stubborn, I won’t be able to stop you,” Komaeda tried saying nonchalantly, but a genuine smile was sneaking its way onto his face. He still couldn’t bring himself to fully believe it, but looking at Hinata’s expression, he couldn’t not believe it either. Hinata relaxed in understanding of Komaeda’s thinly veiled acceptance. He squeezed Komaeda’s hand once more before letting it drop. Suddenly, it was like the force that was keeping Hinata steady had vanished and his visage changed to one of pure exhaustion. He swayed towards Komaeda, who held him upright.  
“Hey, Hinata-kun? Have you been sleeping poorly lately, perhaps?” He paused for a second before deciding to take it a step further. “I’ve also had problems sleeping recently. Do you want to talk about it?” Hinata looked like he wanted to object, but realized the hypocrisy of such and decided to answer honestly.

“A little bit. Nightmares, y’know? Sometimes I can’t get my brain to shut off,” Hinata admitted. “A lot of the times I can’t remember if what I see in my dreams is real or not.” Komaeda had a hunch on what Hinata was referring to, but didn’t interrupt. “...Sometimes, I dream about you.” Komaeda jolted to attention.

“Ah, my features are quite haunting, I suppose-” before Komaeda could spit any more vitriol, Hinata cut him off.

“About your death,” Hinata clarified. Komaeda’s vision briefly flashed to visions of fire and blood and pain, but a quick squeeze to Hinata’s arm brought him back to reality. Well, that was surprising. Komeada chalked it up to sleep deprivation that Hinata was admitting this, because the thought that he wanted Komaeda to know how much it affected him was too much to handle. 

“...Do you want to tell me?” Komaeda didn’t know how far he could push his boundaries.

“No- I mean - yes, but... I do want to talk with you eventually, but I’m not sure if I have enough energy for it right now.” Was his death truly something that haunted Hinata to such a point? Komaeda had no reason to believe he was lying, but still…

“Let’s try getting some sleep, then,” Komaeda suggested instead. “We can always talk more at a later time!” Komaeda gave Hinata a tired, but bright, smile. He was elated when Hinata returned one in kind.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Hinata grinned. Hinata was so bright, like a beacon of hope for Komaeda, but he was still so human and flawed. He had felt a kinship with Hinata from the very first time they met, but through all the trials and tribulations they went through, Komaeda had found himself drawn to something more than a feeling of similarity. He listened to Komaeda’s ramblings, and while he didn’t always agree, he always engaged. It felt like someone was finally seeing him, and that prickly kindness Hinata offered was ‘hope’ in his eyes.  
Yes, to say Hinata was Komaeda’s hope wasn’t an exaggeration. Every version of Hinata was dear to him, and the man standing before him despite all odds was the man he grew to love.

~

Hinata was dizzy with exhaustion and giddiness (at being heard, at finally reaching out and being honest with Komaeda, at _Komaeda reaching back_ ) that when Komaeda gave a small wave and turned to leave, he called out to him.

“Komaeda!” Maybe Hinata didn’t want this bubble to pop because he was afraid that, even after tonight, nothing would change, or maybe he could blame sleep deprivation. But when Komaeda turned around in response and Hinata pulled him into a hug and whispered, “thanks,” Hinata realized there wasn’t a reason - he just wanted to hold Komaeda. Hinata was treated to the sight of a slightly red-faced Komaeda, awkwardly deciding how to react.

“Nnnh...No problem?” Komaeda asked, clearly looking for an explanation from Hinata. However, when Hinata dropped his arms and walked away, he left Komaeda with nothing but a ‘good night.’ If Hinata’s ears were burning by the time he got back to his cabin, Komaeda didn’t need to know. 

That night, he dreamt of soft touches and interlocking fingers, of white hair and pale eyes. 

Hinata wasn’t naive enough to believe that this was the end of nightmares or breakdowns for either of them, but when Komaeda invited him to stargaze and air some more things out before they fell asleep, he had hope that both of them were healing. Even when Komaeda’s luck inevitably brought a storm that covered the stars and drenched them both to the bone, Hinata had never felt as calm as he did when Komaeda dozed off while leaning his head against his shoulder. He spent a long time listening to the soft sound of Komaeda’s breathing and feeling the slight movements beside him before following Komaeda into sleep.

While it was still true that they couldn't erase their pasts, they can still move towards a brighter future together.


End file.
